Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Signs of Alzheimer’s

Perhaps it’s simply a lapse in memory but when you begin to lose focus and mental clarity it just might be a sign of that stage of life when things begin to slip. But even though it might not be as clear as it once was, there are little tricks which can be employed to make it a little less problematic.

For example I will use the instance which inspired this article. When you are making breakfast for yourself and you go to the fridge to get something. You swing open the door and look inside. Then you think to yourself, why am I looking in this thing?

You turn and look around and you determine that you are indeed in your kitchen and that is a clue. You determine that you feel hungry or thirsty. That is a clue. Now the thing that is important is that you not permit yourself to get a visual overload.

Close the door and take a breadth. Narrow it down to a specific category. Hunger or thirst? If it is thirst it is pretty easy to get to the next category. Hunger can be a little more problematic. Food can vary from meal to meal. But thirst is less of a problem as I just suggested.

If it is thirst it is a simple question of which brand of beer do I want? Remember the beverage remains the same from meal to meal. Breakfast, Eggs and beer. Lunch, Turkey sandwich and beer. Dinner, Steak and beer. As you can see the beverage selection is easy once you have determined the issue is in fact thirst and not hunger.

Food on the other hand can be quite confusing. You need to first determine what time of day it is and that was a small problem for a few days but I will tell you about that later. Once you determine the time of day you need to decide what looks best in there. You need to root around and go from shelf to shelf.

That is the beauty of beer. It is always on the same shelf. But after looking for that perfect snack you decide that it isn’t in the damn thing so you just close the door and walk away sadly. But of course five minutes later you return in hope that in your absence something really good was added to the conglomeration of leftovers.

Now about that time problem I mentioned above. Since I lost my watch for several days I had to wonder did the gremlin take it and hide it on me or was it yet one more sign of Alzheimer’s? I will never know for sure just how it got to where it was found but I have my dear wife to thank for helping me in finding it.

One day she came home all happy and excited and I knew right then that I was in trouble. She said, Snake honey, you know that place in the yard where you haven’t planted a tree yet. I sheepishly said yes, voice quivering.

And she then said, I have some great news. I found just the right tree, and it is out in the S.U.V. would you be a darling Snake and take it to that place, that special place, and dig a really big hole in the ground and put that tree in the hole so that I can sit here and look out of the window and admire it.

So, as I was thinking about the pain in my back I went to the tool room and wouldn’t you know I found my watch. Perhaps I took it off the last time I went to the tool room to get the tools which I needed to plant the last four trees she brought home.

Yes, magnolia trees sure are pretty but so are the purple plum and the apple. This vacation is just about killing me boss. But at least I have my watch again. I can use it to count the days until I return to work so that I can get some rest.

Oh, and one more thing about Alzheimer’s that is important to remember. I guess that is an oxymoron since with Alzheimer’s you can’t remember. Anyway, be really careful when you wake up in the morning and look into her beautiful eyes.

Don’t ever say the name of an old girlfriend. It can get you in really hot water. But honey it’s the Alzheimer’s. I guess that I’ll be building a doghouse next. Now where the hell did I leave those eyeglasses?

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